From Warrenton to Wheeler...

Day 76 (Tuesday Dec 7th)

"Why do they only let the crazy Christians on TV?"

I woke up at 11am in an empty house, I had some toast and a bagel with jam for breakfast. Randy came home at about 2pm and we went to the Astoria Column, we probably spent longer climbing up the stairs than we did at the top because it was rather cold and rainy. On the way back we stopped in to see Kerri at the animal care place she works at, she was a busy so it was a brief hello and then back home for video games. Kerri got home around 4pm and Randy made a lovely stir fry with cookies for dessert. Kerri's friend Sarah came round to watch (and play) Jeopardy which is apparently a nightly thing... I beat everyone at Jeopardy. In the final commercial break Kerri's dog changed the channel so we ended up missing the last round... I would have still won. Kerri had something wrong with her eye so Sarah drove her to the emergency room while Randy and I played some more video games. Randy went to bed at about 10pm and Kerri didn't get home until after midnight. I watched Conan O'Brien, The Day The Earth Stood Still, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report and then at 3am the only thing on TV was a crazy man shouting about God.... he annoyed me so I went to sleep.

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Day 77 (Wednesday Dec 8th)
"I will not negotiate with ants!"

I didn't wake up until midday and I remembered I'd been dreaming about football (soccer)... I do kind of miss watching Match Of The Day every Saturday night. Randy got home at 2pm and we went and walked around Fort Stevens. It's an abandoned fort from about 100 years ago so it's basically lots of bunkers with nothing in them. When we got back I played Ghostbusters until Kerri got home and then we ate. We had a delicious dinner of mash potato, green beans, some bagel things and some deep fried asparagus with breadcrumbs. The asparagus was weird because it reminded me of fried chicken and pretty much tasted the same, anything deep fried must taste the same. Sarah didn't come over but we still played Jeopardy and I won again, I think the Chinese Cinema category helped me a bit. I was leaving Warrenton tonight and I'd lost one of my SD cards so we spent about half an hour looking for it before Randy found it under the door mat. Kerri wasn't feeling too great so Randy drove me to Wheeler. We got there at about 9pm and was immediately offered some Newcastle Brown Ale. We spent the night watching Married With Children, The Hive (awful killer ants movie), Train (awful train horror movie) and I only spilt my beer twice because of the cats jumping on me.

Bye Ali, hi Vanessa, bye Vanessa, hi Kerri and Randy...

Day 75 (Monday Dec 6th)
"I don't expect you to buy me food until I'm staying with you."

I'd set my alarm for 10.30am because Ali was coming to pick me up on her lunch break to take me to the Greyhound station. I managed to get my stuff packed and had some cereal and toast before she got home. Ali dropped me off at the bus station and then one of the new Greyhound buses arrived. It was all fancy looking inside but the clientele were the same standard as usual. It was crowded and smelt of piss but it had free wi-fi, a fair compromise.

Vanessa met me in Portland and we had three hours to kill before my bus to Warrenton so we went for some Chinese food, I had some lettuce wrap things where I had to wrap the stuff in lettuce myself, lazy chefs. Vanessa insisted on paying even though I said I'd only expect her to pay for my food when I'm actually staying with her in a few weeks (jk?). We then went to a big book store called Powell's. They have about five floors and lots of different rooms, if I was into books I could probably spend a week in there. As it was, the best thing I saw in there were some faecally shaped keyrings called "Dookeys". We gave ourselves about half an hour to get to the car and then get to the station... Vanessa couldn't find the car... and when we finally found it and started walking towards the station Vanessa decided we needed to drive to the station because it was too far to walk... it turned out to be one block away. (Vanessa is great, I love her lots, please don't hurt me Vanessa).


My bus to Warrenton also had free wi-fi but for some reason the bus driver lady decided to turn all the lights off in the bus to it was pitch black. Luckily I've wasted so much of my life on the internet that I don't need to see a keyboard to type. Kerri and Randy picked me up from the bus stop (Fred Meyer) in Warrenton at about 9pm and we drove back to their place. I had my own room and my own bathroom which was rather cool. They both went to bed at 10pm so I had some soup, watched a bit of TV in my room and then went to sleep.

Dance Ali Dance: Corvallis - The Next Chapter

 Day 73 (Saturday Dec 4th)

"This ain't no book shop!"

Ali said I should sleep-in so I got up around midday. She was baking some croissant looking things and they were actually really nice with some jam. We didn't leave the house until 3pm and we didn't really have anything planned. Ali decided to show me the OSU campus where she works. There were a lot of crazy football fans hanging around on the streets and outside the stadium, we actually drove past the stadium and you could see the fans in the stands. At OSU they had a Saturday market going on with lots of weird little ornaments and jewelery. Ali bought be a Beavers t-shirt from the "bookstore" and then we left the campus because we didn't want to get caught up in the football traffic. We went to Bed Bath & Beyond which turned out to be more "Beyond" than "Bed" or "Bath". We bought a gingerbread house kit and then headed home. Our incredible gingerbread house took about an hour to make and as I'm writing this two days later it's somehow still standing. I tried eating a bit of it last night but it was all a bit hard. Ali cooked a couple of small pizzas for dinner and we also had had chips and salsa. Tonight's movie was Labyrinth (Dance Ali Dance!) and we ended the night by watching my Goonies 25th Anniversary videos.

Day 74 (Sunday Dec 5th)
"New Year's Eve Beach?"

For the second day in a row I woke up at midday. I had some jam and toast and then booked my buses to Warrenton for the next day. Ali had planned for us to go to Brownsville and see some of the Stand By Me locations but while she was getting ready I did some research and decided I'd rather go to the coast. Ali was quite happy with that so we headed west. It took less than an hour to get the coast and we stopped at the dollar store in Newport because we'd both forgot our sunglasses on a surprisingly sunny day. We drove ten minutes north to Otter Rock and Devil's Punchbowl for some nice scenery. There were some noisy sea lions riding the waves alongside some surfers. Ali wanted to walk on the beach so we went to one called Nye Beach (New Year's Eve beach to me) and walked around a bit. We watched some dog's humping and I wrote a message in the sand before we headed home. Ali was talking about eating out but I fancied some the chili and rice that I'd seen in the kitchen cupboard. After dinner we watched the Rooney Never Says Die DVD followed by Bill & Ted and some mint ice cream before bed.

Dance Ali Dance: Corvallis - The First Chapter

Day 72 (Friday Dec 3rd)
"If you ever wanna kick it sometime."

My bus was at 11am so I woke up at about 9. Max hadn't gone to school because he was ill... I don't think going to bed at 2am had helped. I think he just wanted to stay home so he could say good bye to me at the bus stop. Tina made me jam on toast and I got all my stuff packed up. We drove to the bowling alley/bus station and Tina got a "nice" photo of me and Max. A lot of the people getting on the bus were headed to the college football game in Corvallis between The Ducks and The Beavers, one guy had won tickets and he was the first person in America that I'd seen chewing tobacco... lovely.

All the guys at the back of the bus were talking nonsense about football, politics and guns. One man across from me was trying to chat up the woman sitting behind him. After some general chat he stepped it up a gear by complimenting the curls in her hair, then he moved in for the kill by asking if she did her own nails. He actually got her number and asked for it by saying "You know, if you ever wanna kick it sometime." It was actually quite a pleasant bus journey because the snowy views were pretty all the way and I also got to see the first proper looking mountain (Mt. Fuji looking) that I'd ever seen in person. I eventually got fed up of listening to the guys talking crap on the bus so I listened to some Adam & Joe XFM radio shows. At one point I stopped my mp3 player because everyone was talking a bit louder and just as I stopped it one guy on the bus said "Keanu Reeves and an English guy."

We arrived in Corvallis over an hour late, we'd left Bend about half an hour late and actually stopped a couple of times for breaks, buses are quite relaxed in Oregon. I'd missed the bus that would get me to Ali's apartment so for the first time in my life I went into a Starbucks. I killed an hour with a hot chocolate and the internet as I waited for Ali to finish work. Ali turned up around 5pm and greeted me with a big hug, we drove back to her place and she showed me to my room. Her apartment is really nice and modern, it has some weird heating and I tried to help her figure out where the heat comes from, we decided it was probably under-floor heating. We went out for Mexican food and I loved how the waitress was using basic Mexican on us, it felt like we were in a Mexican themed restaurant rather than in an actual Mexican restaurant... which we were. I had a spinach quesadilla and it was delivered to me in the shape of a face. After a lovely meal and about half an hour of loitering in the restaurant we went grocery shopping and then headed back home. Ali showed me her DVD collection and we decided upon License To Drive starring Haim, Feldman and Heather Graham because Ali couldn't believe I hadn't seen it. After the movie Ali went to bed and I booked my flight to NYC before I lay my head down for the night. It wasn't a great night's sleep because the heating confused me, half the night I was freezing under all the blankets and for the other half I was almost naked with no covers.

Bending It: Article 1b - Days 2 and 3

Day 70 (Wednesday Dec 1st)

"The Grand Canyon ate my hiking shoes."

I slept in until 11am and Tina made me scrambled eggs on toast. Today was the day I would buy some new shoes, my old ones had only lasted two months but I think it was the Grand Canyon that killed them so there's no hard feelings. We went to most of the shoe shops in Bend but to no avail and at 1pm we went to pick up Max from bowling. He was doing great until we arrived and then it was mostly just gutter balls. Max and some of his friends got a ride with us into downtown but I couldn't join them because the shoe-hunt had to continue. At around 4pm we found some acceptable ones at Shopko but carried on looking in a few more stores before heading back to Shopko and buying the ones I'd already looked at. We picked up some groceries from Trader Joe's and then headed back home. Max and his friend Caleb wanted to go out for food and I decided to join them so Tina drove us to Kona which is a Hawaiian food place. I was a bit confused by the menu so I ended up with just a small bowl of veggie stir fry. When we got back home I had some soy corn dogs and Max went out to visit an ill Venezuelan exchange student. I did some chatting online and a friend from near Pittsburgh told me she'd possibly be in NYC when I return there for a few days before I fly home, this made me rather happy. Max came home and we had some popcorn whilst watching Conan O'Brien. We then caught the end of Letterman where there was a woman singing an awful song over the top of a Joe Satriani riff. Max stayed up to watch Regis on Craig Ferguson but I decided that retiring to my room to watch Legend Of The Bog starring Vinnie Jones was a better option. I only managed half of the movie before I fell asleep.

Day 71 (Thursday Dec 2nd)
"Everywhere goes somewhere."

I woke up at around midday and my washing was all warm and dry outside my room, then Tina heated up some homemade soup for my breakfast, I think spoiled is the word I'm looking for. I spent about an hour on the internet and the phone trying to sort out my bus ticket through Amtrak for the next day. The automated system (Julie) wasn't very helpful and the first guy I spoke to didn't seem too sure about things so I decided to call back a second time to confirm everything with a different person. I sent some messages out to people trying to organise the final Portland part of my trip because it was nearly time for me to book my flight back to New York. When Max got back from school he and Tina made a weird mixture of what seemed like every savoury snack in the cupboard. I didn't try any of that, instead I waited for my veggie buffalo wings and sweet potato fries. Max and I watched some South Park, then some of Conan (jeggings!) until the Kardashians came on. We got some photos of us in our matching Hawaiian shirts and then Max said he wanted to watch the second half of Legend Of The Bog with me, the fool! It was of course more entertaining watching it with Max and we laughed quite hard at the incredibly philosophical line, "Everywhere goes somewhere". Max then put on an awful Mark Hamill movie which I only watched half of before I could no longer keep my eyes open.

Bending It: Article 1a - Day 69 dudes!

Day 69 (Tuesday Nov 30th)
"I was just going to recline your seat for you."

I got up at 8am and got ready and packed. For breakfast I had an apple. Alex drove me to the station and my bus looked bit like a prison bus, cool. It was all nice inside and the driver and other passengers were very friendly. The driver told us that a few weeks ago his window had blown in when a big truck had gone past, that was a nice thing to know as we set off on our three hour journey. A guy called Peter who worked at a church tried to talk to me and he was amazed to meet an English person, he even said at one point that he wanted of me holding my passport to prove that he'd met me. I'm now bored of people being amazed that I'm English... unless it's a pretty lady. I tried sleeping for most of the trip but at one point I woke up and Peter was sat behind me just about to recline my seat. I'm not sure what he thought would happen, I'd obviously wake up and say "WTF?!" as I'd have jolted back in my seat. There was a cool bit of the journey where we were going through the snowy mountains and sliding everywhere, I might have been more freaked out if I wasn't so tired. The journey didn't seem to take too long so I must have actually slept a bit. I arrived in Bend only about half an hour late and Max's mother (Tina) and Max were both there to meet me. Max had actually left school early because he was so excited to see me, at least that's what he told his mother. We drove back to the Reisfar home and Tina made me a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup. I also got to try some of the nicest tap water in the country (so they say). Max's brother Alex dropped his kid Farrin round to be babysat, she's a crazy child and very entertaining. Max took me out for a quick walking tour of the town, my favourite place was called Cat6 which just has lots of TVs and lots of gaming consoles, I think I'd spend a lot of time there if I lived in Bend. We walked some more and when we got bored Max got Tina to pick us up, I didn't realise but we were only about a five minute walk from home, Max has got it good! Max and I played some Goldeneye and then we had pizza. Tristan (Max's dad) kept trying to force beer on me and I'm not one to refuse beer. More Goldeneye followed with some amazing knife throwing action from Max. Everyone was in bed by 10pm so I watched an awful Shane Van Dyke movie called Paranormal Entity and then went to sleep on my airbed.

Springfield: Episode B

Day 66 (Saturday Nov 27th)
"If you poop it's okay"

We started the day with some pancakes and then watched Despicable Me. Brian had been trying to get us to watch that since I arrived and it ended up being a pretty good movie. At one point Brian got up to pee and Vanessa randomly came out with the "If you poop it's okay." After the movie we went out to find me a jacket, I found a nice cheap one and then we went for food. The fish & chips place was closed so we settled on Steelhead and I had a veggie burger. Liz had a bit of trouble at the station with getting her ticket printed and in the end we had to walk up to the end of the train to find conductor Dave, he sorted it all out and we said our goodyes to Liz. Alex and Vanessa wanted to go to a crafts store so I tagged along, I was a bit bored so I was just playing with stuff and rudely positioning Santa figurines. Jurassic Park was on when we got home and Vanessa decided she was going to stay another night when she suggested that Brian should get the beer out. I somehow convinced everyone that we should watch The Expendables and I found a drinking game for it online.... I finished my first beer within five minutes... and it didn't slow down much.. We all got rather drunk and I fell asleep just after we started watching Zombieland.

Day 67 (Sunday Nov 28th)
"She takes photos when you're sleeping, she knows when you're awake (that you'll be a bit creeped out.)"

I woke up to seeing a photo of me asleep that Alex had posted on Facebook. Vanessa left in the afternoon and then the day turned into another movie day, we watched The Terminator and Predator, Alex fell asleep during Predator, shameful. Next was Home Alone 2 and then Don't Mess With Zohan. Alex made me a grilled cheese sandwich and some vegetable tomato soup. We then watched Star Wars and then the McDonald's wanted to watch Walking Dead, it was okay. Then they both went to bed so I watched Street Fighter (Raul Julia was in some BAD movies!) and Four Lions before I went to sleep.

Day 68 (Monday Nov 29th)
"Oi! Good-bye mate!"

An amazingly lazy day it was! We watched a few episodes of Roseanne and then Big. I looked through a lot of my videos including the ones from Thanksgiving, there's so much wonderfully embarrassing stuff on there. I watched about three hours of Cash Cab and then Alex made me stir fry, I like it how she knows when I'm hungry and just starts cooking without telling me. Brian came home and we watched a few episodes of Mythbusters, then Scrooged. I said good night to Brian for the final time and then me and Alex watched a few episodes of South Park before bed time.